This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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