Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
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He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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