How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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