Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
