Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
