The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i now understand why vodka
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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