i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
