his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
