I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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