$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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