absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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