hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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