but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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