Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
