just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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