his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
