Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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