This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize
