I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
