I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
