i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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