ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
