she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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