There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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