he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
