She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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