doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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