Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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