theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
