your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
