After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
