Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
