I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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