you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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