I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
