Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
