There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
