I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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