I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
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i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...