my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.