you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
