You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
