in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
