just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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