If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
