Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
