College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
im six kinds of drunk right now
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
