Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
