everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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