Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he was CRYING into my vagina
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
