Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
