i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
