I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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