I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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