sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
