I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
