just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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