I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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