Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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