God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
