I want to walk on stilts...naked
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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