PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
