Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
