whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
