I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize