You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
