Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
