i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
