Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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