So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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