I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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