I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
