You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
