apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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