You're so nebulous sometimes
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
