you guys were way drunker than both of me
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
