let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
