Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We need a shit load of segways right now
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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