I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
