Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
