never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
